It's unusual for me to write every day, anywhere, except my physical journals, but I'm going to give this a shot. You see, motherhood is overwhelming to me. In good ways usually, but here and there, I have a moment (or an afternoon) where I just feel like I cannot possibly carry the weight of another beautiful capable human being and all of their glorious struggles. Being married has taught me a lot about patience, kindness, forgiveness, and ego. Being a mother has taught me all of those things times infinity.
Today, I had a nap with my sweet little girl. She is turning 17 weeks old the day after tomorrow and it simply makes me want to explode with joy, pride, happiness, and gratitude. She is doing so well She has made it so very far! She is such a big beautiful little blessing for me and I can't help but think of that every time I look at her. It helps me to repeat those things when she is screaming because of an owwy, or being over tired, or being shocked or alarmed out of happiness, playing, or sleeping. She is my little precious darling, no matter how sad or mad she may be, and I will remember that well into her adulthood.
After our sleep we tried to accomplish many things. We went to the store and acquired witch hazel, rubbing alcohol, triple antibiotic, and fenugreek supplements. We also got a lot of wonderful organic herbs and some fresh veggies!
While we were walking up to the store at one point she looked up at me after gazing with awe at everything else - and she had that same awe when she looked at me. I could actually see the love pouring through her beautiful eyes and her smile just lit me up inside.
Those moments... those are what I want to record and remember, forever. That is what I am here for.
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